Don’t Send Money To Someone You’ve Never Met

Offer Your Companionship, But Keep Your Money

Don't confuse charity and love. Offer your companionship but keep your cash.

We’ve written about how we prohibit any of our members from soliciting money through our website.  We’ve also written about how we strongly recommend that our members do not ever send money to someone they have not met in person.  We want to emphasize the importance of this.

Some members understand this advice right away, based on their past experience or our blog entries.  From our correspondence with our members, we also know that some other members refuse to follow our advice.  Let us be as clear as possible – we believe that any relationship in which any money is sent before the two people have met in person, will not work.

We thought we’d make a list of the reasons a person might ask another member for money.  Every single one of these reasons is a manipulation.  No decent person would ever provide tall tales like these to fool people into sending them money.

  • I need money to study.
  • I need money to eat.
  • My family is starving.
  • There was just a typhoon, and my family’s house has been washed away.
  • The caribou water buffalo died.
  • The rice rotted.
  • I loaned my family money, and now I owe them.
  • I need a new phone to call you.
  • I need a computer to write to you.
  • I need a better apartment so that you will respect me when you come here.
  • The police are demanding a bribe.
  • My mother is about to die due to lack of medicine, and they won’t even give her an antibiotic.
  • My brother wants to start a business.
  • My sister is about to give birth.
  • My tuition payment was stolen.
  • The jeepney driver broke my phone.
  • The police confiscated my brother’s hubel hubel motorcycle and now we can’t earn money.
  • I need to get a passport before I meet you.
  • I can get a visa to come to your country.
  • I can get a visa to meet you in another country.
  • I need documents in order to process your visa.
  • I need an engagement ring.
  • I need to start processing the papers for our engagement.
  • My parents are demanding a dowry.
  • I want to give my parents a gift.
  • I already have a loan at the cybercafe and I have to pay for it.
  • My father has a loan due to gambling at the cock-fight, and if I don’t repay it, our house will be repossessed.
  • I need load for my phone so that I can receive your call.
  • I need to buy a new phone for international calls.
  • I need to process a business application to get a good job and they require me to buy the uniform.

We could go on with this list for a very long time.   There is no end of pretexts that people can come up with to try to solicit money.  Just say no.  Here are a few questions and answers on the topic as well.

What should you do when someone you’ve met at our site asks you for money? Our suggestion to you is that you simply send us their user number with our feedback link, and then you correspond with other members instead.  We will investigate it, and in most cases we suspend the user profile. We do not allow anyone to ask for money using our site; we do not think people who ask for money directly or indirectly are ready for relationship (at best) and are often fraudsters or criminals.   We do our best to screen for these types of users, but we also rely on our members to report violations to us to help us keep our members honest.

But is it OK if one person initiates a gift to the other without a request? We hear this all the time.  One member wants to help another member.   Please do not do it.  If you want to send money to the Philippines, please donate it to the Philippine Red Cross.  Visit the Red Cross of the Philippines site to make your donation.  They will do a much better job than you can from far away, seeing to it that your donation goes to the neediest people at the times when it is most likely to make a difference.

But we’ve been chatting now for a few weeks.  I just want to give her a phone so I can call. This is also common.  Our advice is don’t do it. By sending money before you have met someone, even just a few dollars, you are risking ruining a potentially good connection.  As soon as someone receives money, then the pressure from family and friends to think of you as an ATM machine starts.  Just don’t risk it.  Save the money, and buy a plane ticket to go visit as soon as possible.  We insist – don’t send money to someone you haven’t met, under any circumstances, for any reason, period.

But I want to surprise her with something nice.  Send her flowers.  You can search for ‘send flowers to the philippines’ on the internet.

If you are ever wondering, “Is this story legitimate, should I send money to this person I met at Christian Filipina”, if you don’t know the answer yet after reading this, just call us or send us an email, and we will talk to you about the particular situation and give you our advice.

Remember, the people who will be most quick to contact you on any dating website will almost always be the criminal scammers.  They work 24 hours a day creating fake profiles and trying to trick others to send money.  Learn to accept that this kind of person may contact you, and just report it, and move on.  As you take your time to get to know more of our members, you’ll find that we have many professional, innocent, and sincere ladies.  They may be more shy, you may need to take the initiative to contact them.  We have thousands and thousands of quality ladies who would never ask for money.  Don’t let the drama of a misguided person prevent you from meeting the sincere partner you deserve.  Take your time, quickly discard any letters from those who don’t deserve your attention, and be patient to slowly get to know five or ten ladies from our site, so that when you plan a trip (hopefully, soon), you can meet three to five in person as friends, to know in person which one deserves your company.

Jen and Peter

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17 Comments »

  1. You certainly can’t be accused of pulling your punches. But from what I’ve read, your strong words are warranted and important for us to hear. I’ve appreciated all your advice columns. Thanks for the site. God bless you.

    Comment by Bruce — April 7, 2010 @ 1:32 pm

  2. i’ve talked to as much as 6 women i’ve known tru relatives 2did not take advantage of my money! somehow i’d like to be with either of these 2 but i guess i can’t find one real love if i don’t invest money! luckily i did not meet any of them in this site maybe i should try here.

    Comment by mr.dad — April 8, 2010 @ 1:58 am

  3. Hi Bruce and mr.dad,
    Yes, we believe that relationships require both parties to take risks and make sacrifices, including often financial sacrifices. Just make sure those risks and sacrifices are wise ones at the right time and are reciprocated by similar and proportional risks and sacrifices given the resources and responsibilities of each of you. And remember the stories of the Gospel; do they teach us that money can buy happiness, or is a deeper love expressed in a different way? While we don’t like to preach, we ask ourselves, did Jesus offer His presence, or did he send a western union payment to buy everyone new cell phones and laptop computers? Sorry if we’re more blunt than you might be used to, but this is how we see it.
    Jen

    Comment by Christian Filipina — April 8, 2010 @ 2:17 am

  4. Yes i agree to that!!! Don’t send money to someone you have never met!!!

    Comment by Patience — April 8, 2010 @ 5:02 am

  5. I agree! Not only men can be victims of scammers…women too.Sadly to say, I had been, I did fell in love with a man I had seen only in pictures. I also sent some money.Never did think his email address is just a sham,and he’s in no way gonna do his promise to come, and that we’d get married. Now it’s getting harder for me to trust men..even those claiming to be good christians and say they fear God. Hope your site is clean.

    Comment by Angelina Zuend — April 14, 2010 @ 4:43 am

  6. this is very good advice.. my husband {,we are seperated} was sending $ to several “women” he met at a dating site before he met them.. he flew to the philipines to meet them… that was jan.2010.. i have heard from him a few times but now no one has heard anything.. he is supposedly in mindanao .. if any one can help me to locate him i would very much appreciate help… his family is worried. his name is Bob or Bobby Reynolds.. he is 53 years old 5’2″. and an american..

    Comment by debbie reynolds — June 8, 2010 @ 2:30 pm

  7. I am a God fearing woman and met someone who seems authentic. 4 months later, he seems to be having some business problems. He has not directly asked for money, but the insinuation is there. As a Christian one wants to help, but the Spirit of God tells my spirit…no…I follow that before what anyone wants. Is he real? I would sure hope he is, but in reality, I don’t know…will I send money to find out? No. It is a sad testimony to know that many more men are imposters under the Christian label than the ones that are truly unbelievers.

    Comment by godlywoman — June 12, 2010 @ 12:05 pm

  8. I need to clarify that we did not meet on this site, I only stumbled across this one looking for such information this morning. We also have never met four months later, due to he was to go overseas for work for one month. While there he is apparently having this financial crisis. I have come to conclusion that there are very few trustworthy and honest people on any of these sites. If this man turns to be an honest one and has wanted nothing of me financially, I will truly repent. Until then I am cautious.

    Comment by godlywoman — June 12, 2010 @ 12:11 pm

  9. Hi godlywoman,
    From what you say it’s hard to know what the situation might be. We always encourage our members to not fall in love over the internet, but rather to use our site and any other resources they may have to get to know people casually, then later meet several people face to face before allowing themselves to be financially or emotionally involved. Some of our members take our advice, and some don’t. It sounds like you’re being realistic and not foolish, which is important.

    If you have the resources to do so, you might just take a trip yourself. At worst, you might get to see a new place and know for sure what is going on, improving your ability to read people by the excursion. At best, you might find that face to face you inspire each other to get to a place financially and emotionally where you can spend more time together.

    Jen

    Comment by Christian Filipina — June 12, 2010 @ 3:47 pm

  10. This article is very cold-hearted. As an American living in the Philippines, I’ve seen these things first-hand. Sometimes, the rice DOES rot. Sometimes the police DO confiscate the hubel hubel. Sometimes the family truly IS starving.

    To call every one of these reasons a manipulation or a “tall tale” blindly ignores the hard facts of living in this country. I can’t believe Christ would want you to so coldly turn your back on people.

    Sure, protect your wallet from scammers. But don’t think for a second that these are always excuses. Every day I witness these things happening for real.

    And I’m shocked how the author claims decent people won’t ask for help. I’ve seen these troubles happen to decent people. And they, of course, will seek help for their situation.

    If you’re going to get involved with a filipina, then accept that you’ll need to help. In return, you’ll be rewarded with the most loyal and loving woman God could give you. And you’ll feel better about yourself. Just trust your heart to know when it’s the right time to give.

    Comment by John — October 18, 2010 @ 10:52 am

  11. I am so worried about my dad! I felt sorry for him and decided to make him an account on this dating site called Okcupid. The first day he started talking to this girl, she was acting like she was inlove with him..she calls him babe and stuff like that. and she said she wanted my dad to go get her so they can “hang out”. Supposedly she was in new york and she was gonna take a plane to the airport so my dad can drive all the way over there, pick her up, and take her home..my dad agreed to it. then the next day, she didn’t text my dad all day until finally in the evening she texted him saying that she didn’t have enough “money” to get the plane ticket. She asked my dad to send her $200. I told my dad not to. But, my dad is a dumb ass and and sent her the money anyways. Then she said that she didn’t “make” it in time and that she’s gonna leave new york on “saturday.” Then today supposedly her “dad that died 4 years ago” owned these houses and that some people called her and told her that she needs to sell them so she can get money..so now supposedly she’s in “Africa” selling houses. and then all the sudden shes saying that she needs $400 because the motel people are going to throw her out. Im sure this person is lying. and my dad is stupid for falling for it!

    Comment by Renea — December 13, 2012 @ 9:07 pm

  12. Hi Renea, Sorry to hear that. Yes, that’s a scam.

    Comment by Christian Filipina — December 13, 2012 @ 9:27 pm

  13. Hi John i agree to what you’ve said “Just trust your heart to know when it’s the right time to give”. I’ve been scammed in the net even by my immediate friend who after i sent help she posted that someone is using her profile. I grew up with her in the same province and we are both Christians and i can hardly believe people used people in a bad way. But still,if a person needs any help we as Christians must be wise as serpent and harmless as a dove. We must not also harden our heart to respond to those who are truly in need ,if we have more than enough in our pockets why don’t we share it, anyway it is God who sees the motive of the heart and i greatly believe that as a just judge He will reward or punish each one according to his/her way. * If u give don’t expect anything in return. Just be careful to detach ur heart in your hand so it wont hurt u when u are trying to help .You must also know the difference between extending help or giving an alms* Check your heart and make it in tune to God always. Whether u give or not its always our heart that matters.

    Comment by Dew — December 19, 2012 @ 10:21 am

  14. I have been unlucky enough to have met you customer number 107047, a woman by the name of went. This is the second time I communicated with her, once st international Cupid, the second time at Christian Philippines. Both times she has asked me for money before we meet. It seems to me that this woman has taken this website like international Cupid, her way of making a living, asking men fir money and getting mad to the point of insulting them when she is not sent money. This type of people should be banned from this site. I left international cupid, because all ladies I talked to asked me for money to solve whatever calamity they created. Do I need to leave this site as well? Please respond.

    Comment by carlos cabland — December 19, 2012 @ 11:07 pm

  15. Hi Carlos, Thanks for reporting the scammer. Sorry you ran across such a person, but we are glad you let us know. Normally the quickest and easiest way is to click Report a Problem directly on the lower section of the user profile of any member. We have removed that profile permanently. We certainly agree that anyone who asks for money should not be on our site. We now have an option where any member of our site can become a verified member. (Read about verified profiles in our FAQ.) This verified member program is just getting started now; we believe that over time this will help separate the serious members from those who have no business on our site. You can feel free to suggest to ladies that they verify their profiles for you to take them seriously; you are also welcome to verify your profile if you wish.

    Hi Dew, we appreciate that you would like to think of others. However, we now specifically include in our terms of use that it is prohibited to send money or expensive gifts to people you meet on the site who you have not yet met in person. (See our terms of use.) If you would like to send money from your heart, please send any amount to the Red Cross of the Philippines. The Red Cross is experienced and knowledgeable to make the best use of your gift to help those who need it most. If anyone asks you for money or implies necessity, sympathize but explain that it is against the terms of service of the site for you to send anything, and please also report the member to us.

    Comment by Christian Filipina — December 20, 2012 @ 12:25 am

  16. If within the first couple of sentences, the girl is writing about how difficult life is in the Philippines, how its almost Christmas, and asks no questions of me whatsoever, I can usually tell this is one looking for money. A couple of times I have met women that wanted me to buy them cams. I just end the chat and ban them. Regardless, I have also met some quality women on this site.

    Comment by Larry — December 20, 2012 @ 5:10 pm

  17. I am currently on 4 Philippine dating sites including this one. The first year I was on, I got scammed by a professional scammer on the site Filipinokisses. I reported her and nothing was done, even though you could go on youtube and find others that were scammed by her. The on thing I have learned about the Philippines, is that it is a third world country, and they do suffer, wash clothes by hand, no jobs, no good medical care, saving rain water to wash clothes, and no indoor plumbing. These condition are hard for us to understand. They have more faith in God than we do for they live day by day. There is no sure fire method to know who is scamming and who is not. They all sooner or later ask for money and why, because our Hollywood movies they watch show us living in luxury not reality. They see American tourist spending money like it is going out of style so they think we are all rich. I am also on Russian dating sites and have been to the Ukraine, Ukrainians never ask for money, that is not until you go out on a date, then you dine at the most expensive restaurants and go to sites they never could afford to go to. And they have jobs. What I am getting to is that I would rather have a communication with Philippine lady (directly) than to travel to somewhere (Russia, Ukraine) you have to have rely on an interpreter because the girl does not speak English and still get scammed without a thank you. We take chances on American girls too, they will lie and use just as quick or quicker than a foreign girl.

    Comment by Jeremiah — January 13, 2013 @ 6:24 am

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