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What's with all the single moms?!

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Posted on January 15,2014

With respect to most of the commentators here: codswallop.

Think it through: why are there  so many single mums?

First it’s because they have sex in an unprotected way?

Second it’s because, whether irresponsible or not, the man disappears.

Its not about hormones; about self-control; bad parenting or anything remotely like those ideas. All countries have young people with  hormones.  Its simple practical facts:

1.       Contraception is not fully known (education) or practiced – or is unaffordable or unavailable; and men leave, because they can (the other Kevin got that right)..

2.       The government and the churches are responsible for the contraceptive problem and the lack of education.

3.       Most of the single mums had the kiddies when they were very young  and of course they are easily victims of sweet words and likely the boy was very young too.

 

There is more of course: naivity; poverty - lack of other things to do - hard circumstances so need some loving; many work away from  home at too early an age; the list is endless. But there are so many because of 1 above and 2 above. The general level of education on this site is challengingly low.

 

I suspect the proportion here is overly represented because most Filipina women don’t want to be married to someone who has a child.

on January 16, 2014 1 likes

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I guess to know what are the top reason in a "single mother" case is to have it surveyed, make a survey form and have it answered to ONLY all single moms, but even if we know the outcome surely the case of 1 is different from the case of the other. We can't just put the blame all on a parent. No one is perfect. Even if the parent did their best to teach their teens the right value some may still commit pre-marital sex could be due to hormones, peers and so on...What about those rape victims which resulted to unwanted child? There could be so many reasons, could be the whole society, could be the whole system, the church, the government, poverty, lack of education, and so on.

What's done is done. Maybe we need to focus on how to save the teens of today. But how? What can we do with poverty? If the government deals with this by advocacing contraceptives and such surely some church will contradict this because of "pre-marital sex". To solve it by havin a "sex education" in school (public and private) as well as to balance it with religion with topic about pre-marital sex, chastity, abstinence can be a big help i guess.

on January 16, 2014 0 likes

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ANGELS WITH BROKEN WINGS... this where singlemom comes from at least from my very eyes... osticized by society categorized to a woman of loose morals... think again little do u know of her life... of the why's that you simply ignore her, isolate her and by pass her. Hmmm sometimes people lose sight of their destiny bec they limit their vision to what they only wanna see, to their list of what they think will erase that emptiness they feel inside. The christian world is aware there is a spiritual warfare and that the enemy comes and still do so...to kill, steal and destroy. SO how would a man  know if this woman after running from her calling due to youthfullness and spiritual immaturity to experience the secular world and in so doing found out that her success is simply vague and empty. Now she decides to go back to meaningful service but on herway back meets wolves in sheep clothings and put stumbling blocks along her path... so great she is paralyzed with broken wings. WILL she finds a kind hearted man who just like Jesus  stop by the well just to meet this woman whom he saw greatness if only her wings are fixed... This woman, will she not give her life, her treasure, her loyalty her love to her Jesus in the flesh. 

on January 17, 2014 0 likes

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Hi Kevin.  Yes all countries have young people with hormones and ALL countries have this same problem.  From CDC, percent of live births to un-wed mothers in USA in 2008: 40.7%, up from 7% in 1950.  Sweden was the highest, at 54.7%.  Not so simple after all.

http://www.census.gov/compendia/statab/2012/tables/12s1337.pdf

Please see the trend line in this document, it is strongly upward:

http://www.cdc.gov/nchs/data/databriefs/db18.pdf

You have not even touched on the root cause.  Please try again.  What are we doing wrong?  Take care and God Bless!

 

Kevin said:
..cut..All countries have young people with  hormones.  Its simple practical facts....cut...

 

on January 17, 2014 0 likes

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Gypsy said:
Maybe we need to focus on how to save the teens of today. But how?

Hi Gypsy, yes absolutely.  But as I mentioned in my previous post, Sweden has all those things you mentioned and they have the HIGHEST un-wed mother birth rate of all.  So I guess I don't need to tell you that those things WON'T work.  So if they won't work, what will?  Take care and God Bless!

on January 17, 2014 0 likes

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Anjee said:

ANGELS WITH BROKEN WINGS... this where singlemom comes from at least from my very eyes... osticized by society categorized to a woman of loose morals... think again little do u know of her life... of the why's that you simply ignore her, isolate her and by pass her. Hmmm sometimes people lose sight of their destiny bec they limit their vision to what they only wanna see, to their list of what they think will erase that emptiness they feel inside. The christian world is aware there is a spiritual warfare and that the enemy comes and still do so...to kill, steal and destroy. SO how would a man  know if this woman after running from her calling due to youthfullness and spiritual immaturity to experience the secular world and in so doing found out that her success is simply vague and empty. Now she decides to go back to meaningful service but on herway back meets wolves in sheep clothings and put stumbling blocks along her path... so great she is paralyzed with broken wings. WILL she finds a kind hearted man who just like Jesus  stop by the well just to meet this woman whom he saw greatness if only her wings are fixed... This woman, will she not give her life, her treasure, her loyalty her love to her Jesus in the flesh. 


I am not stalking you Anjee. Its just that I am a sucker for this type of thoughts, came from a real participants. I am "SINGLE" not single mother but I love this topic and sympathetic with single mothers as my niece a victim of irresponsible man who thinks he deserved the right to stay at home after three years of happy lovey relationship. It was my niece who toil at work to support him (for two years no job) and their child. When my niece comes home from the office she gets no sympathy from this guy but questioning why? Five minutes late, whether seeing anyone until she throw him out of her house and now working for the annulment after seven years together, since he never give any support for their daughter.  My niece and I have different beliefs, so she is working for her annulment now! Not to get married but to set herself free from mental torture. I understand! But how much I really understand what she feels? She married the only man she knew in high school. She is smart, beautiful studied in a prestigious university  and holding a high position in the company yet didn't really know the man she loved. I agree with you Anjee. I hope for some what we see and hear sift the chaff from the grain and ask, Why? It happen what happend each have different story to tell. But it doesn't mean we throw venom at them. We all sinned and fall short of the grace of God. We can learn so much from the experiences of the real people who shared their  life experiences as Christians in this forum. This is better than watching Kim Kardashian, reality show! Ladies tell your life Why?" you are single mom, since a lot of your prospects love to know! for no deceit in Christian values. This is lengthy but thanks For reading anyway.

on January 17, 2014 0 likes

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Some statistics from USA about un-wed mothers from:

http://singleparents.about.com/od/legalissues/p/portrait.htm

"The assumption that "most" single mothers are were single from the outset is false. Of the mothers who are custodial parents:

  • 44.2% are currently divorced or separated
  • 36.8% have never been married
  • 18% are married (In most cases, these numbers represent women who have remarried.)
  • 1.1% were widowed".

This shows that only 1.1% were widowed.  Now we could assume a higher rate for Phils due to poverty and crime.  And there is another valid group mentioned before about rape victims.  My guess for the other 90% is that they got involved with the wrong guy.  This includes wife beaters, adulterers, all causes attributed to the man.  These were the wrong guys to get involved with.  I am not blaming anyone, just making a simple observation.  They got involved with the wrong guy.  Correct me if I am wrong.

So the question is:  how to prevent these girls from getting involved with the wrong guy?  Anyone?

Btw, I am a single father......  Take care and God Bless!

on January 17, 2014 0 likes

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Tess said:

 ...cut...She is smart, beautiful studied in a prestigious university  and holding a high position in the company yet didn't really know the man she loved. ...cut...


Hi Tess,  so sorry to read all these stories of heartbreak.  You have summarized the problem beautifully.  She didn't really know the man she loved.

So how can we really know the person we love?  This is the million dollar question.  Answer this question and there would be a lot fewer single moms (in all countries).  And there IS a way. What is it?  Take care and God Bless!

on January 17, 2014 0 likes

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Tess said:

 

Anjee said:

ANGELS WITH BROKEN WINGS... this where singlemom comes from at least from my very eyes... osticized by society categorized to a woman of loose morals... think again little do u know of her life... of the why's that you simply ignore her, isolate her and by pass her. Hmmm sometimes people lose sight of their destiny bec they limit their vision to what they only wanna see, to their list of what they think will erase that emptiness they feel inside. The christian world is aware there is a spiritual warfare and that the enemy comes and still do so...to kill, steal and destroy. SO how would a man  know if this woman after running from her calling due to youthfullness and spiritual immaturity to experience the secular world and in so doing found out that her success is simply vague and empty. Now she decides to go back to meaningful service but on herway back meets wolves in sheep clothings and put stumbling blocks along her path... so great she is paralyzed with broken wings. WILL she finds a kind hearted man who just like Jesus  stop by the well just to meet this woman whom he saw greatness if only her wings are fixed... This woman, will she not give her life, her treasure, her loyalty her love to her Jesus in the flesh. 


I am not stalking you Anjee. Its just that I am a sucker for this type of thoughts, came from a real participants. I am "SINGLE" not single mother but I love this topic and sympathetic with single mothers as my niece a victim of irresponsible man who thinks he deserved the right to stay at home after three years of happy lovey relationship. It was my niece who toil at work to support him (for two years no job) and their child. When my niece comes home from the office she gets no sympathy from this guy but questioning why? Five minutes late, whether seeing anyone until she throw him out of her house and now working for the annulment after seven years together, since he never give any support for their daughter.  My niece and I have different beliefs, so she is working for her annulment now! Not to get married but to set herself free from mental torture. I understand! But how much I really understand what she feels? She married the only man she knew in high school. She is smart, beautiful studied in a prestigious university  and holding a high position in the company yet didn't really know the man she loved. I agree with you Anjee. I hope for some what we see and hear sift the chaff from the grain and ask, Why? It happen what happend each have different story to tell. But it doesn't mean we throw venom at them. We all sinned and fall short of the grace of God. We can learn so much from the experiences of the real people who shared their  life experiences as Christians in this forum. This is better than watching Kim Kardashian, reality show! Ladies tell your life Why?" you are single mom, since a lot of your prospects love to know! for no deceit in Christian values. This is lengthy but thanks For reading anyway.


And Tess I agree with you.

However I really, truly, deeply, think that the use of the word sin, in association with someone who has had sex or has a child, is, on balance, merely feeding the shark frenzy of the holier than thou brigade. Sure we have all stuffed up from time to time. Let those who are so expert in citing authority and castigating, be without sin before they toss a spanner at someone (the first stone).

Life is what it is. There is a whole heap of reasons as i said before about why there are so many single mothers. So many seperated women. Hmm, were i still looking I would say, yippee, more for me to consider. But life is not like that.

Not everyone has the same set of shoes.

Not everyone has a plan that works and not everyone has a happy outcome.

My God, I am sure, has a different view about life and humanity than those who get all uppity with citations. My God, i am sure understands the words Love and Compassion. A God of love, not of pain.

on January 17, 2014 1 likes

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Peter said:

Some statistics from USA about un-wed mothers from:

http://singleparents.about.com/od/legalissues/p/portrait.htm

"The assumption that "most" single mothers are were single from the outset is false. Of the mothers who are custodial parents:

  • 44.2% are currently divorced or separated
  • 36.8% have never been married
  • 18% are married (In most cases, these numbers represent women who have remarried.)
  • 1.1% were widowed".

This shows that only 1.1% were widowed.  Now we could assume a higher rate for Phils due to poverty and crime.  And there is another valid group mentioned before about rape victims.  My guess for the other 90% is that they got involved with the wrong guy.  This includes wife beaters, adulterers, all causes attributed to the man.  These were the wrong guys to get involved with.  I am not blaming anyone, just making a simple observation.  They got involved with the wrong guy.  Correct me if I am wrong.

So the question is:  how to prevent these girls from getting involved with the wrong guy?  Anyone?

Btw, I am a single father......  Take care and God Bless!


The percentage would be different from us since there is no divorce in the Philippines. The culture, beliefs, as well as attitude of other country may also different from ours. The approach how to solve the issue would also be different. I am not a single mom but my cousin yes. I will never judge or blame my aunt on how she was raised. The grandpa now became the father figure and since my cousin choose to work abroad after, the grandma, yaya, including me became the mother figure. My niece call me Mama. :)

So, how would you really know a person, how would you really know he is the wrong guy? Because if he is the right guy he will never rip the girl's purity? But then how come some marriage failed after 10 years, 20 years, some may result to be a battered wife then, civil case or annulment. Tough question... My brain surrender for now. ;-)

By the way, God bless Single Mom as well as Single Dad!

on January 17, 2014 0 likes

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Peter said:

Hi Kevin.  Yes all countries have young people with hormones and ALL countries have this same problem.  From CDC, percent of live births to un-wed mothers in USA in 2008: 40.7%, up from 7% in 1950.  Sweden was the highest, at 54.7%.  Not so simple after all.

http://www.census.gov/compendia/statab/2012/tables/12s1337.pdf

Please see the trend line in this document, it is strongly upward:

http://www.cdc.gov/nchs/data/databriefs/db18.pdf

You have not even touched on the root cause.  Please try again.  What are we doing wrong?  Take care and God Bless!

 

Kevin said:
..cut..All countries have young people with  hormones.  Its simple practical facts....cut...

 


Hi Peter,

yes, ok, I will try again.

when I was in officer (air force) training many years ago, there was a problem put to us. The guys are all getting to work too late. Just by a few minutes. Do we widen the gate, and put another few gatekeepers on (analagous concept) or penalise them? Is there another solution.

It was interesting the engineers went for the widening of the gate.

The administrators went for penalties.

Haha, then the Squadron Leader told us, its a true story, they tried widening the gate it did not work then they used penalties it did not work. Its outside of our control its all about traffic in the areas nearby. I dont recall what the solution was any longer just the problem posed and that the obvious tried and true solutions did not work.

I read and mused your information about unwed mothers in USA.

I also am aware that the greatest crime today in many westerncopuntries is the murder of innocents (abortion). Now I accept that there is a percentage where it is fair to do so, and I dont want to distract and move to that topic.

However if abortions are added to live births, the total number of people having sex without a practicing certificate (a licence) is much greater than mere live births. How much I dont know.

Now, I think young people are just great. I just get irritated when I hear criticism of them. Us baby boomers have a lot to pray about and many problems we have created. The "me me me" generations started with us, our kids adopted it, our grandkids adopted it. That, attitudes, is part of the problem.

Its all about me, me, me, in western countries. Cannot say that I know that to be true in the Phils or other Asian countries, the culture is less focussed on the nuclear family in the Phils.

Often the mother or wife is at home, moreso than in western countries.

Often the families and work places are like, even in cities, villages, everyone knows everyone.

Growing up in the Phils is the responsibility of a wider number of people than in the west.

I go back to the practical strategies I outlined and I do blame the sytem of high priests and bureaucrats, mostly for the problem. Education and availability/affordabilty.

Having said that, I am not entirely sure that it is a problem. From an economic or social point of view, maybe yes. From a love point of view, probably not.

So what is the cause: for me I see it as education and availability of condoms and contraception because I believe that young Filipinas are not so "me me me" as the younger people in western society, and its not just sexual gratification they seek. Its love. Its all about love.

I wonder also whether its our Judao Christian philosophies, honed in the last 100 years or so (because the world changed slowly before that) that have not adapted.

To the extent (in the Phils) is about attitudes to sexuality and love, maybe we cannot use the same yardsticks as in the west!

Are processes, such as time on task important. Perhaps. But no formula will solve that.

That's all folks.

 

 

on January 17, 2014 1 likes

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For teenagers, keep them busy. How? Some comments already are presented, some sites already point it out and some organisations are out there as well as after school activities. But will they engage on those? How do we push them to participate?

For adults,  ok you controlled your hormones by not engaging to sex during your younger years, question is how do you prevent yourself from falling into the wrong guy? Do you have doubts to the person you are with right now? Then listen to others opinion around you, your parents, friends, co-workers and think why he broke up with his past relationship. Then decide. Is he the right person for you?

Then us, the single moms. We'vE been there. Each and one of us has different reasons why we chose to be single and raise our child alone. Next question is how do we deal with love again? ThiS goes with single dad too. 

This thread will continue for as long as we want. But, think first. Each and one of us has different answers for what we knows best.

Good morning! :)

on January 17, 2014 0 likes

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Jane said:

For teenagers, keep them busy. How? Some comments already are presented, some sites already point it out and some organisations are out there as well as after school activities. But will they engage on those? How do we push them to participate?

For adults,  ok you controlled your hormones by not engaging to sex during your younger years, question is how do you prevent yourself from falling into the wrong guy? Do you have doubts to the person you are with right now? Then listen to others opinion around you, your parents, friends, co-workers and think why he broke up with his past relationship. Then decide. Is he the right person for you?

Then us, the single moms. We'vE been there. Each and one of us has different reasons why we chose to be single and raise our child alone. Next question is how do we deal with love again? ThiS goes with single dad too. 

This thread will continue for as long as we want. But, think first. Each and one of us has different answers for what we knows best.

Good morning! :)


Oh my lovely Jane, I read your thoughts! but forum is like that! the only thing you need to do is stick to the question and share your opinion. There might people who learn from your knowledge and experience. I for one, love your participation.

on January 17, 2014 0 likes

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Kevin said:

 

Tess said:

 


And Tess I agree with you.

However I really, truly, deeply, think that the use of the word sin, in association with someone who has had sex or has a child, is, on balance, merely feeding the shark frenzy of the holier than thou brigade. Sure we have all stuffed up from time to time. Let those who are so expert in citing authority and castigating, be without sin before they toss a spanner at someone (the first stone).

Life is what it is. There is a whole heap of reasons as i said before about why there are so many single mothers. So many seperated women. Hmm, were i still looking I would say, yippee, more for me to consider. But life is not like that.

Not everyone has the same set of shoes.

Not everyone has a plan that works and not everyone has a happy outcome.

My God, I am sure, has a different view about life and humanity than those who get all uppity with citations. My God, i am sure understands the words Love and Compassion. A God of love, not of pain.


I understand what you mean Mr Kevin. I am intrigued with your intellectual mind. I also sometimes fall into judging, if I do, I am sorry. I agree that in all topics and issues around here, we can only draw people to agree with us, or not even, as we are all individuals with different perspectives, views and opinions on certain issues" but if we have understanding, love, sympathy and compassion not forgetting that we ourselves are not perfect, we can easily draw ourselves closer to meet halfway. In my humble choice, let me stick to my own beliefs but I agree with you in this, God hate the wrongdoings committed by men but commanded us to "LOVE the PERSON". As humans we always wear our arrow ready to shoot at every souls and forget to wear God's compassion which is better defense for the enemy. That is why the devil is still winning many legions for his treachery, while we are losing our battle to save our brethren and loveones everyday. Its sad but this is reality in our ailing humanity. But then who am I to judge for my words has no weight in the eyes of God, unless His own Godly wisdom. I am just broken sounds, a clanging cymbals. God bless us.

on January 17, 2014 0 likes

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Gypsy said:

I guess to know what are the top reason in a "single mother" case is to have it surveyed, make a survey form and have it answered to ONLY all single moms, but even if we know the outcome surely the case of 1 is different from the case of the other. We can't just put the blame all on a parent. No one is perfect. Even if the parent did their best to teach their teens the right value some may still commit pre-marital sex could be due to hormones, peers and so on...What about those rape victims which resulted to unwanted child? There could be so many reasons, could be the whole society, could be the whole system, the church, the government, poverty, lack of education, and so on.

What's done is done. Maybe we need to focus on how to save the teens of today. But how? What can we do with poverty? If the government deals with this by advocacing contraceptives and such surely some church will contradict this because of "pre-marital sex". To solve it by havin a "sex education" in school (public and private) as well as to balance it with religion with topic about pre-marital sex, chastity, abstinence can be a big help i guess.


Hi Gyps, I like your closer image, what a cute face...I wish I have that beauty..lol.

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