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Is cohabitating a way to test marital compatability?

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Posted on January 13,2014

Hi Guys,

I like to introduce this and may i have your opinions and perspectives on how you view this topic.  

Many women and most young men now would see cohabitation as a way to test marital compatibility and improve the chances of long-lasting marriage.  

I know this is an unchristian way but some guys here may propose this arrangement to a Filipina esp. to those who don't want to come to the Philipiines and be married here for economic reason but wants to simply bring her first to his country to cohabitate, to test if they will click together then later be married.

For some this is the way to find out if their partner has what it takes to be married so that if things don't work out, breaking up is easy to do and the couples do not have to seek legal or religious permission to dissolve their union. 

Other would view cohabitation as a prelude to marriage, or an alternative to it, and for yet others, simply an alternative to living alone. esp for seniors and retired people who typically cohabit rather than marry for economic reasons.

on January 13, 2014 0 likes

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Hi Sue, I won't get into giving my opinion on this matter since I'm a God fearing Christian and my opinion carries no authority. But this is what is written in the Word of God; "Nevertheless, because of sexual immorality, let each man have his own wife, and let each woman have her own husband" (1 Corinthians 7:2). And in another place, "For this is the will of God, your sanctification: that you should abstain from sexual immorality" (1 Thessalonians 4:3). For those who don't fear God and the eternal consequences for their disobedience to His commandments, they will do what they want. But for those of us who do fear God, cohabitation isn't an option because the Word of God is very clear on this matter. Thanks for the opportunity to post a comment on this issue. Blessings. Steve

on January 13, 2014 7 likes

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This topic is somewhat controversial yet if christians are not aware satan can take advantage of this. It can be mis-interpreted. Especially when emotion can't be controlled before the wedding takes place. There are some individual might give wrong advice to mislead others. We cant under-istimate the cunning enemy. I am afraid to comment more! But be careful guys and ladies.

on January 13, 2014 2 likes

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Trial marriage to see if youre compatible or not is immoral.. you dont need to live together to see if youre compatible or not. I think foreign fiancee must have another place to stay other than her fiance's house... and they could still spend time together talking without living together.

Trial marriage is like testing a car before you buy it... it may seem right to do this to some... but in GOD eyes is so wrong... I dont think GOD will bless the union even if they are going to marry later, and ppl who do this before marriage are more likely to separate or divorce for so many reasons.

on January 13, 2014 6 likes

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Sue, I think I know why you have placed this topic here. Yes, it is just my hunch, but I believe you have initiated this because on this site very recently a thread was closed that dealt with this topic. Yes?  Am I right on that?  True,  I can only guess at your reason for initiating this topic, but, having seen other comments you have made on this site in other threads, I know that you know the pure folly of an unwed couple living together -  prior to being married and united as one as husband and wife by God.   (Thus, thank you, Sue, for resuscitating the discussion - as this seems to be an issue that too many are unclear on.)

 

Sue asked:  Is cohabitating a way to test marital compatability? 

Christians know that the answer is, "No."

This topic is very timely because our  everpresent corrupt modern cultures say, "Do it if you want to." (On just about every subject of life)  Every one of us know people who have cohabited out of wedlock or are doing so now.  Yet in our grandparents' age this was just about unheard of.   Today the person that speaks against an unwed couple living together is openly mocked.    No matter.  The Christian stands firm in what the Bible teaches us.  The Bible-based Christian knows that cohabiting prior to marriage is flat out wrong.     Any male encouraging this idea with a woman or even his fiance is not a male worth having, he is certainly not a Christian man.  Steer well clear of any male who even hints at the possibility of premarital living together.

The world has been turned upside down in the last 25-30 years. Satan is laughing himself silly because he thinks he is winning. Why?  Because the "right" and goodness are now so openly mocked by our world.  Because topics like these are openly debated and allegedly committed Christians argue for the legitimacy of unwed people "checking it out" and "testing" their suitability one for another by first living together.   Satan is obviously not just attacking (with successes) pastors, churches, denominations, but also the hearts and minds of people who claim to follow Jesus.

Jo, I agree with what you wrote above.  Good for you.  It baffles me how some people who claim to be Christians can be fuzzy and unclear on this.

on January 13, 2014 2 likes

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Tess said:

This topic is somewhat controversial yet if christians are not aware satan can take advantage of this. It can be mis-interpreted. Especially when emotion can't be controlled before the wedding takes place. There are some individual might give wrong advice to mislead others. We cant under-istimate the cunning enemy. I am afraid to comment more! But be careful guys and ladies.


Yes! i go with you Tess,

“Look carefully then how you walk, not as unwise but as wise, making the best use of the time, because the days are evil. Therefore do not be foolish, but understand what the will of the Lord is.” Ephesians 5:15-17 

on January 13, 2014 0 likes

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Thanks for the verse Cris... God bless.

Criselda said:

 

Tess said:

This topic is somewhat controversial yet if christians are not aware satan can take advantage of this. It can be mis-interpreted. Especially when emotion can't be controlled before the wedding takes place. There are some individual might give wrong advice to mislead others. We cant under-istimate the cunning enemy. I am afraid to comment more! But be careful guys and ladies.


Yes! i go with you Tess,

 

“Look carefully then how you walk, not as unwise but as wise, making the best use of the time, because the days are evil. Therefore do not be foolish, but understand what the will of the Lord is.” Ephesians 5:15-17 

 


 

on January 13, 2014 0 likes

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Sue said:

Hi Guys,

I like to introduce this and may i have your opinions and perspectives on how you view this topic.  

Many women and most young men now would see cohabitation as a way to test marital compatibility and improve the chances of long-lasting marriage.  

I know this is an unchristian way but some guys here may propose this arrangement to a Filipina esp. to those who don't want to come to the Philipiines and be married here for economic reason but wants to simply bring her first to his country to cohabitate, to test if they will click together then later be married.

For some this is the way to find out if their partner has what it takes to be married so that if things don't work out, breaking up is easy to do and the couples do not have to seek legal or religious permission to dissolve their union. 

Other would view cohabitation as a prelude to marriage, or an alternative to it, and for yet others, simply an alternative to living alone. esp for seniors and retired people who typically cohabit rather than marry for economic reasons.


Not sure that the statistics are on your side Sue.

Howeverm maybe that is "true Sue" (hey there Yogi bear it rhymes) but in aussie and USA the entire process is such that the "abuse" is relatively short time. But those who are serious are on a time line to marriage by the respective immigration departments.

Marriage (biblical) and cohabitation are not mutually exclusive anyway.

on January 13, 2014 0 likes

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I have to agree with the general consennsus here.  Cohabitation before marriage is wrong in God's eyes.  If you meet a woman on this site who will agree or suggests you live together before marriage, RUN!!!!!!  I am coming to meet Joelyn in March, we met on this site, and what I found so attractive about her was she was clear about this and we have agreed on proper time and rules for being together, which was simple because we both feel the same regarding this and  We found common ground.  

on January 13, 2014 0 likes

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Andrew said:

Sue, I think I know why you have placed this topic here. Yes, it is just my hunch, but I believe you have initiated this because on this site very recently a thread was closed that dealt with this topic. Yes?  Am I right on that?  True,  I can only guess at your reason for initiating this topic, but, having seen other comments you have made on this site in other threads, I know that you know the pure folly of an unwed couple living together -  prior to being married and united as one as husband and wife by God.   (Thus, thank you, Sue, for resuscitating the discussion - as this seems to be an issue that too many are unclear on.)

 

Sue asked:  Is cohabitating a way to test marital compatability? 

Christians know that the answer is, "No."

This topic is very timely because our  everpresent corrupt modern cultures say, "Do it if you want to." (On just about every subject of life)  Every one of us know people who have cohabited out of wedlock or are doing so now.  Yet in our grandparents' age this was just about unheard of.   Today the person that speaks against an unwed couple living together is openly mocked.    No matter.  The Christian stands firm in what the Bible teaches us.  The Bible-based Christian knows that cohabiting prior to marriage is flat out wrong.     Any male encouraging this idea with a woman or even his fiance is not a male worth having, he is certainly not a Christian man.  Steer well clear of any male who even hints at the possibility of premarital living together.

The world has been turned upside down in the last 25-30 years. Satan is laughing himself silly because he thinks he is winning. Why?  Because the "right" and goodness are now so openly mocked by our world.  Because topics like these are openly debated and allegedly committed Christians argue for the legitimacy of unwed people "checking it out" and "testing" their suitability one for another by first living together.   Satan is obviously not just attacking (with successes) pastors, churches, denominations, but also the hearts and minds of people who claim to follow Jesus.

Jo, I agree with what you wrote above.  Good for you.  It baffles me how some people who claim to be Christians can be fuzzy and unclear on this.


 

on January 13, 2014 0 likes

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Sue said:

Hi Guys,

I like to introduce this and may i have your opinions and perspectives on how you view this topic.  

Many women and most young men now would see cohabitation as a way to test marital compatibility and improve the chances of long-lasting marriage.  

I know this is an unchristian way but some guys here may propose this arrangement to a Filipina esp. to those who don't want to come to the Philipiines and be married here for economic reason but wants to simply bring her first to his country to cohabitate, to test if they will click together then later be married.

For some this is the way to find out if their partner has what it takes to be married so that if things don't work out, breaking up is easy to do and the couples do not have to seek legal or religious permission to dissolve their union. 

Other would view cohabitation as a prelude to marriage, or an alternative to it, and for yet others, simply an alternative to living alone. esp for seniors and retired people who typically cohabit rather than marry for economic reasons.


Hi Andrew,

I just want to discuss this for the benefit of all Christian members here that simply because this may seems an ordinary thing to do in today's world, we must still bear in mind that cohabitating is not a good way to prepare for marriage nor it is a guarantee that you and your partner will have a good relationship or will not divorce later in life.

I am a Catholic and for me unmarried couples have lower levels of happiness and well-being compared with married couples. I also would like to stress that there are plenty of health benefits to being married than just living with a partner.

PS some of my post here were not reflective of who I am and my perspective about relationship but rather to open our hearts and minds on some controversial issues that we may encounter as we are seek our future wives/husbands in our journey call LIFE.

 

 

 

on January 13, 2014 0 likes

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So are you guys saying that the 90 days for a fiance visa shouldn't happen and we should get marry in the Phils or within the first days the fiance comes?  Is co-habitation immoral only if you are being sexually active? or is Co-habitation period immoral?  I dont think if you live with your future wife but you are not sexually active, it would be against the bible.  I believe the 90 days is important to give both partners the ability to determine if this will work out.

Its funny but there is a show in the US called "90 days fiance" and some of the couples do not even sleep in the same room and in the preview of future episodes, one of the women is having a hard time so she wants to go back.

I think the 90 days co-habitation is important and I don't think that is against Bible rules as long as you are keeping your distance. Am i wrong?

on January 13, 2014 1 likes

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Youre causing ppl to stumble if youre cohabiting, coz ppl will assume youre having premarital s... and it's also a stumbling block coz it's hard to keep thoughts pure... If youre engaged you should live different residences because the temptation is tremendous.

 

on January 14, 2014 0 likes

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Cohabitation may setup couples for failure in marriage is because cohabitation is just a test. Since all couples suffer from some incompatibility, when the other partner "fails" the test, the person moves on to the next partner. A succession of cohabitation failures results in an inability to maintain commitment - the most important part of a marriage relationship. Some shows that most couples who cohabit do not do so as a trial marriage, but just slide into it without any particular intent.

 

The best advice is to wait to get married until after you finish college. Don't get into the habit of cohabitation, but date over a long period of time. Also, pick people of similar backgrounds and values to date. Dating a more exotic person may be exciting, but a long-term marriage relationship with such a person would be worth trying.

God bless!

on January 14, 2014 2 likes

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Hello Jo...tsk tsk tsk..two thumbs up...

jo said:

Trial marriage to see if youre compatible or not is immoral.. you dont need to live together to see if youre compatible or not. I think foreign fiancee must have another place to stay other than her fiance's house... and they could still spend time together talking without living together.

Trial marriage is like testing a car before you buy it... it may seem right to do this to some... but in GOD eyes is so wrong... I dont think GOD will bless the union even if they are going to marry later, and ppl who do this before marriage are more likely to separate or divorce for so many reasons.


 

on January 14, 2014 1 likes

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